By Manish Puri
Powering up one’s menswear game isn’t merely about honing the perfect silhouette or mastering colour combinations. It also means becoming fluent in a whole new language.
That will, of course, initially mean becoming familiar with the jargon: a key building block of any sub-culture. But to elevate your status, you must learn that those building blocks make structures and structures conceal as much as they reveal. Within menswear, the aficionado understands that a great many truths hide in plain sight.
In the pursuit of those truths, I’d like to offer myself up as a latter-day St Jerome (or at least José Mourinho) by providing translations of common menswear assertions. Below you’ll find a list of things that have been said by me or to me - doubtless you will have uttered or heard similar things. Alongside these statements I present their true meaning, naked and unadorned.
That’s the context for unpacking the subtext. But what’s the pretext? Well, it’s Christmas (translation: ‘tis the season to be jolly).
| What I said | What I meant |
| I favour a more relaxed silhouette these days | I ate too much cheese at Christmas |
| I think gentlemen should start wearing ties and pocket squares again | I bought too many ties and pocket squares at the last Drake’s sample sale |
| It’s a unique piece | I have no idea what to pair it with |
| I think it will last forever | Because I’m never ever going to wear it |
| Wow, I’ve been looking for something similar for ages | You stole my look! |
| I don’t like to overthink my clothes | I do like to overthink my clothes. I just don’t have an answer for that specific question |
| It’s important to think in terms of cost-per-wear | I overpaid |
| How do you keep finding so many great items for so cheap on eBay? | I hate your guts |
| The Neapolitan look is over | My Neapolitan tailoring doesn’t fit me anymore |
| Just look at how badly kids dress today | It must be nice to have the energy for lots of casual sex |
| I’m thinking I should maybe have gone a shade darker with the cloth | Oh my god!! What have I done?! |
| (Real things) people said to me | What they meant |
| How many fittings did you have for your suit? | The fit is terrible |
| Our house likes a longer coat, Sir | You can get fucked if you think I’m shortening this jacket |
| It’s a classic look | You look like your Dad |
| He’s a bit fashion forward | He scares me |
| Take your time. We don’t do a hard sell here. | Please don’t buy this |
| You're looking very distinguished | Is that more tweed? |
| I’m thinking of switching tailors | My tailor has put their prices up |
| I love the hunt for vintage | My bank has put my mortgage up |
| I like to play with the conventions of black tie and make it ‘alternative’ | I don’t know how to tie a bow tie |
| My preferred knot is a four-in-hand | I didn’t even know there were other tie knots |
| I’m transitioning to a capsule wardrobe | My wife said she’s going to leave me |
| Alright Chef, got your mise en place ready? | I really do like your striped seersucker trousers, mate. I’m just masking it by making a world-class burn. |
| What my partner said to me | What they meant |
| Don’t you look dapper? | Why are you so overdressed? |
| What are you wearing tonight, darling? | Please tell me I can wear jeans and a t-shirt |
| I'm so happy that your clothes make you so happy | I prefer you in jeans and a t-shirt |
| How much did that really cost? | I’ll take whatever figure you give me and know it was double |
| Ooh, that’s a nice jumper darling, be careful not to shrink it | Watch me “accidentally” put it on a hot wash so that I can have it |
| I think you can pull it off | I don’t think you can pull it off |
Manish is @the_daily_mirror on Instagram
